hello is it "ME" i am looking for....

Its been 3 years now.. and i feel so tired..... i have been questioning myself for days now...what makes life perfect...having good friends....reading good books..getting philosophical from time to time..dining at good restaurants...dating random women......listening to pyscedelic rock....watching meaningful movies...hitting the grooviest discotheques and lounge bars across the city...and so forth...I had a fair share of all of these in the last 3 years in this alien city... and yet I seem to be lost more than ever (even songs don't soothe me these days, calls from parents annoy me, don't even entertain my younger brother over the phone..have lost track of my old friends)....
i seem to have lost the charm in petty things that used to once fill my inner senses.......the walk to the riverside in my hometown....the odd joint after the unattended classes in the university ground....the timeouts at EDEN GARDENS....the bonfire at the THEK after the dismal class test exploits... the gathering of funds to sponser for a bottle of whiskey....the eggrolls(with
abundance of onion) and chloromint to kill the liquor odour...the wait before the tutions to see someone treasured..the booze in the middle of "H Domain" (accompanied with the constant fear of getting picked up by the cops )..
But are these the only elements that have bereft me of my equilibrium.. i guess not..because these past things seem to find a meaning only now.....I sat back and contemplated on a weekend doing without my share of booze/dope..I felt uneasy without my routine weekend liquors...I came up with nothing that could have possibly restored the tranquility of my mind...I put on my sport shoes and tracks and decided to go out for a walk( or was it a run away from the
harsh reality that was engulfing me each nano second ?) I ran past the odd hospital (thronging with potential H1N1 victims), pan stalls, the dinky restaurant, the odd good face, the liquor stores,etc haulting only at the odd signals(fortunately the city doesn't have lot many traffic signals)... i felt good.. i felt new.. i returned home feeling a new man...and why not...i have managed to crack the mystery afterall....hehe..i spend the rest of the day solving some
gaussian integrals....and then called up dad.. for what i want to do for the rest of my life....i am yet to embark on my venture...there is an appropriate time for everything(i guess)...these days i might not be the most happiest person around...but i feel happy at the thought that i am no more directionless.. i have started loving songs all over again....i have started playing cricket on weekends.. i have resumed calling up my friends from time to time....i have started respecting myself again.....